It's funny isn't. The fact that she goes from five to fifteen in like two milliseconds flat. "I just needs my space" she said. I imagine this is what it will be like on a continually basis in about seven to nine years. Now I just see it in bits and spurts. I am being prepped for what my life will become. Because as quickly as she turns fifteen she goes back to five. And that is how I like her. A sweet, cuddly five-year-old who still fits in the center of my lap.
And we'd dance to this song. In the living room when she wobbled on two little feet. Around in circles laughing.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
the middle
It all can happen so fast, can't it? One day you are holding them, feeding them from your breast and then the next moment they are begging to go solo. To the park that is. With friends of course. How did this happen? Where was that good stuff in the middle?
The middle part where they still needed you. The middle where being with you was good enough. And all was right with the world as long as you were by his side.
I feel like it went to fast. That somehow for a split second I closed my eyes and it was gone.
The middle is the best part. And somehow I feel like I didn't get to savor it as much as I would have liked to.
Everyday I wish I can stop time. And slow down the process of growing-up and changing.
Because once he was a little boy.
And now he is a little man.
Is it funny that I whispered this song in his ear as I rocked him it sleep....
The middle part where they still needed you. The middle where being with you was good enough. And all was right with the world as long as you were by his side.
I feel like it went to fast. That somehow for a split second I closed my eyes and it was gone.
The middle is the best part. And somehow I feel like I didn't get to savor it as much as I would have liked to.
Everyday I wish I can stop time. And slow down the process of growing-up and changing.
Because once he was a little boy.
And now he is a little man.
Is it funny that I whispered this song in his ear as I rocked him it sleep....
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Some would say that blogging is a pointless self-indulgent past time. They might be right. To me I am honing my writing skills. Some day they might be put to good use. They are being put to good use right now.
If the only thing I get out of blogging is the ability to write something that has a big impact in the fewest amount of words, well I'd say my time blogging was a huge success.
Loves and Kisses,
Me
Did you hear/see this? I have a love/hate relationship with Florence. I hear her songs and love them then I get pissed at myself for being so pathetically dramatic, that's the hate part.
Plus it kind of makes me want to see the movie in the theater and I NEVER want to see the movie in the theater...
.
And I know Charlize is way prettier than Kristen but now you missed the whole point of Snow White. It's about inner beauty asshole.
If the only thing I get out of blogging is the ability to write something that has a big impact in the fewest amount of words, well I'd say my time blogging was a huge success.
Loves and Kisses,
Me
Did you hear/see this? I have a love/hate relationship with Florence. I hear her songs and love them then I get pissed at myself for being so pathetically dramatic, that's the hate part.
Plus it kind of makes me want to see the movie in the theater and I NEVER want to see the movie in the theater...
.
And I know Charlize is way prettier than Kristen but now you missed the whole point of Snow White. It's about inner beauty asshole.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Shake it out but don't shake it off
I am listening to this song on endless loop right now. It is my battle cry for the day. I imagine myself a little Sally Fields and a bit of a non-racist Mel Gibson in a kilt.
I have been up since 3:00 am preparing what I am going to say. And how I am going to say it. And how its important that I get the first word. Because I have listened and cooperated and given the benefit. Today it ends. Today I am a beast. A warrior.
A mother warrior.
It started with tears. There is always tears, but the word that followed set something off in me so visceral. I did not take a second to consider anything but....ANYTHING BUT protecting my young.
First let me state that I have always ALWAYS made a point in making sure my children face the consequence of their actions. The famous line "do the crime, do the time" is famous in my home. But this is different.
After the teacher told me the consequence of writing '5 Things' he likes about a teacher I was fine with it. "Do it before baseball or there is no baseball." Is what I told him. 'Think before you act' is what I said to him. But when the tears came and he told me that the '5 things' would be hung in the cafeteria, on display for the school to see- well that was the spark that lit the fire in me.
I am all for consequence but I refuse to believe that public humiliation is a humane form of punishment.
Humane for a child. A child that was said in a meeting.... a meeting that we ALL sat in to work on and understand his issues socially and the anxiety that went along with it.
Humiliation for a child who struggles socially and with anxiety as a acceptable form of punishment is something I will never understand. And more importantly is something I am not okay with
And the worse part is that not just one of those people that sat there in that room when "anxiety" and "social issues" was discussed went along with this inhumane punishment, but three.
Right now I am shaking out the residual anger that might get in the way of my main point. I am shaking out the hurt I feel and focusing on the hurt that he feels and I am letting that drive me.
I am ready for battle. Wish me luck.
And my words come back to me. It's worth the effort. It is a big deal. And there is no good reason.
I have been up since 3:00 am preparing what I am going to say. And how I am going to say it. And how its important that I get the first word. Because I have listened and cooperated and given the benefit. Today it ends. Today I am a beast. A warrior.
A mother warrior.
It started with tears. There is always tears, but the word that followed set something off in me so visceral. I did not take a second to consider anything but....ANYTHING BUT protecting my young.
First let me state that I have always ALWAYS made a point in making sure my children face the consequence of their actions. The famous line "do the crime, do the time" is famous in my home. But this is different.
After the teacher told me the consequence of writing '5 Things' he likes about a teacher I was fine with it. "Do it before baseball or there is no baseball." Is what I told him. 'Think before you act' is what I said to him. But when the tears came and he told me that the '5 things' would be hung in the cafeteria, on display for the school to see- well that was the spark that lit the fire in me.
I am all for consequence but I refuse to believe that public humiliation is a humane form of punishment.
Humane for a child. A child that was said in a meeting.... a meeting that we ALL sat in to work on and understand his issues socially and the anxiety that went along with it.
Humiliation for a child who struggles socially and with anxiety as a acceptable form of punishment is something I will never understand. And more importantly is something I am not okay with
And the worse part is that not just one of those people that sat there in that room when "anxiety" and "social issues" was discussed went along with this inhumane punishment, but three.
Right now I am shaking out the residual anger that might get in the way of my main point. I am shaking out the hurt I feel and focusing on the hurt that he feels and I am letting that drive me.
I am ready for battle. Wish me luck.
And my words come back to me. It's worth the effort. It is a big deal. And there is no good reason.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Things you Don't Know
I have a lot of first world problems. They always seem to find me. I am just unlucky that way. Because they are first world that makes me somewhat lucky I guess.
Things you might not know about me:
1. You know pretty much everything. Dig through my archives you will find it all.
2. Well you might not know that I am a yeller. I hate that about myself. When I get pissed the whole world has to know it. It comes right from the belly and comes out my fingers in slams and bang. My cabinets and doors are terrified of me.
3. I decided to go gluten-free. I haven't shared that yet. It is a personal choice, with some medical concerns. After being on it for four months and feeling good it's hard to imagine going off it. I cheat from time to time and sometimes pay the price. Do you know what it's like to have to pass up cake and cookies? "Oh no! No cake for me I'll just have this apple." But when you poop and actually feel relieve instead of feeling your gut twisting from the inside out it's a good thing.
It is an adjustment. For sure.
4. Oh and and .... I am now the Co-leader of a Daisy troop. This happened because I can't say no and I am somewhat crafty in a five-year-old sort of way. They got me hook, line and sinker.
Now you know everything oh except I love this song and I want to be these gals bestie...
Things you might not know about me:
1. You know pretty much everything. Dig through my archives you will find it all.
2. Well you might not know that I am a yeller. I hate that about myself. When I get pissed the whole world has to know it. It comes right from the belly and comes out my fingers in slams and bang. My cabinets and doors are terrified of me.
3. I decided to go gluten-free. I haven't shared that yet. It is a personal choice, with some medical concerns. After being on it for four months and feeling good it's hard to imagine going off it. I cheat from time to time and sometimes pay the price. Do you know what it's like to have to pass up cake and cookies? "Oh no! No cake for me I'll just have this apple." But when you poop and actually feel relieve instead of feeling your gut twisting from the inside out it's a good thing.
It is an adjustment. For sure.
4. Oh and and .... I am now the Co-leader of a Daisy troop. This happened because I can't say no and I am somewhat crafty in a five-year-old sort of way. They got me hook, line and sinker.
Now you know everything oh except I love this song and I want to be these gals bestie...
Friday, May 11, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
Princess
My house is turning into Disney central. Major. We talk, eat and breathe Disney right now. My children are saving their pennies for their very first trip there. They Youtube Disney rides to figure out which ones to ride and which ones to skip. The girl watches clips of little girls meeting princesses. This makes me glad we waited till they were older, they really are invested in this trip.
We also have a ballet recital coming up and the song the girl is dancing to just so happens to be from a Disney movie. We listen and practice dancing to it everyday. That leads to listening to other songs and that leads to wanting to watch a particular Disney movie.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
All this Princess stuff raises the question that plagues all moms with little girls; Am I setting up her up with unrealistic expectations? Do I want her growing up thinking a man is going to save her?
You know the whole debate so I am not going to bore you with the details.
Really there is no debate with my daughter,she is a bit independent minded. The first time she actually watched a Princess movie from start to finish something happened to calm the raging argument in my head.
I saw her face as Ariel and Prince Eric kissed and were wed. It was a sight. Arms crossed. Rage in her eyes. "Married! I hate married!" The very idea that Ariel gave up her mermaid tail for a man was so disturbing to my little four year old. She couldn't comprehend such a travesty. A year later she still can't. Marriage is not even a possibility now. Which I know will change possible one day. Right now she wants to live with me forever and travel the world.
I let her believe this is the way it will be. Who am I to squash her dreams?
We also have a ballet recital coming up and the song the girl is dancing to just so happens to be from a Disney movie. We listen and practice dancing to it everyday. That leads to listening to other songs and that leads to wanting to watch a particular Disney movie.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
All this Princess stuff raises the question that plagues all moms with little girls; Am I setting up her up with unrealistic expectations? Do I want her growing up thinking a man is going to save her?
You know the whole debate so I am not going to bore you with the details.
Really there is no debate with my daughter,she is a bit independent minded. The first time she actually watched a Princess movie from start to finish something happened to calm the raging argument in my head.
I saw her face as Ariel and Prince Eric kissed and were wed. It was a sight. Arms crossed. Rage in her eyes. "Married! I hate married!" The very idea that Ariel gave up her mermaid tail for a man was so disturbing to my little four year old. She couldn't comprehend such a travesty. A year later she still can't. Marriage is not even a possibility now. Which I know will change possible one day. Right now she wants to live with me forever and travel the world.
I let her believe this is the way it will be. Who am I to squash her dreams?
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
in the thick of it
Throw the ball. Catch the ball. Throw the ball again.
He was birthed into baseball. I laid in bed. I walked around. I labored in a tub to the sound of baseball.
He shares a name with one of the greats.
He keeps score of the games on TV and the ones he plays in his mind.
He shares a fantasy team with his dad. He yells at his players when they don't do well and cheers when they do.
It is in his blood.
"Mom, don't throw that away I can make something out of it." She says.
"Mom, I'm going to be an artist one day." She says.
"Yes, yes you are." I say.
It's in her blood.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
war
War, what is it good for?!? Everything. Conflict makes people breathe and think and think and love and lust. If you didn't have hate you couldn't have love. If you don't have war you can never know what true peace feels like.
Complete and total world peace can only truly come if everybody and everyone agreed with everybody and everyone. It's a scary thought, scarier than war. To even have the notion or the dream that everyone and everybody will get along 100% of the time, all the time, for all time is not tangible.
I don't hope for world peace for my children, I hope for world civility and total empathy domination. That seems more likely to happen in their life time. Or so I hope.
Complete and total world peace can only truly come if everybody and everyone agreed with everybody and everyone. It's a scary thought, scarier than war. To even have the notion or the dream that everyone and everybody will get along 100% of the time, all the time, for all time is not tangible.
I don't hope for world peace for my children, I hope for world civility and total empathy domination. That seems more likely to happen in their life time. Or so I hope.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Garrison Keillor
SECRET: I have a mad girl crush on Garrison Keillor. His voice is the lullaby that lulls my thirty-four year old baby self to sleep. His voice is peace. When I listen to Prairie Home Companion it can never happens with little people around, it negates the whole peace thing. They have no appreciation for sexy-man-voice. It is sad. Very sad.
And don't even get me started on The Writer's Almanac.
Poetry little people, the live-blood of literature!!
Recognize!!!
I love when I get Garrison's subtle humor. I feel smart and educated and highbrow. I look around the empty car/couch to see if anyone else got his joke, and not one of those imaginary people ever does. And I feel even smarter.
Imaginary people are not that smart.
Just an added video. Seriously Punch Brothers get me every time. I listen to them all day everyday. I get all sad when people don't know who they are. Just sad people....
And don't even get me started on The Writer's Almanac.
Poetry little people, the live-blood of literature!!
Recognize!!!
I love when I get Garrison's subtle humor. I feel smart and educated and highbrow. I look around the empty car/couch to see if anyone else got his joke, and not one of those imaginary people ever does. And I feel even smarter.
Imaginary people are not that smart.
Just an added video. Seriously Punch Brothers get me every time. I listen to them all day everyday. I get all sad when people don't know who they are. Just sad people....
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